Compassion, Fiery Dragon, and Thorn

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Once upon a time there was a fiery dragon with a thorn on his heart. The thorn was hurting so much that he wouldn’t let anyone near him. When anyone attempted to come nearby, the dragon will breathe out fire and the people would be afraid to come near him and think that the dragon was a nasty being. The dragon felt lonely, not understood, not cared for or loved, continue to pity himself with his wound. At the end, the dragon died lonely and everyone thought that he was a nasty being and he died lonely because of that. No one will ever know that he had a thorn that was hurting him so much…

We all have this story. We all have the thorn and the fire breath. We all have a hurting dragon within. So how do you let people come and help you to get the thorn out? Or how do you as a person, who is trying to come closer, help the fiery dragon with the thorn? Each act requires a deep compassion and courage in order to pass the fear bridge with the desire to understand the each other’s story. From the perspective of the one who is trying to come close, if you have no idea about the thorn, all you see as a fiery dragon that is hurtful….If you as a dragon, don’t take a moment to connect with the pain with the thorn, all you express is your pain in the form of burning and hurtful fire. On this state of disconnectedness you cannot explain the others of your hurt, rather continue to hurt them with your burning fire and keep them at a distance.

This is a story being told and experienced for centuries. We all have the thorn and the persons we keep at a distance with our burning fire. Isn’t it time to get down and dirty with these thorns so that we can put our fire for a good use and not burn anyone else? Isn’t that time to not to be judgmental of each other when we have no idea about what thorns the dragons are carrying? How do we get pass this huge wound that is connecting us through our hurts but not through our love?

I did Tibetan Chud practice (Chud practice is used in Tibet to heal emotional wounds) this afternoon and dedicated to all that is hurting and feeling hurt by others. What I saw was a big black thorn that was hollow inside and that hole was filled with sorrow. That sorrow was the layer underneath of the anger that was sitting on the hot and heated prickly thorns. What it needed to heal was pure love. So I offered pure love as it was intended by the divine. The color of that love was vibrant fuchsia pink. The wound I observed needed apricot paste kind of nectar to heal…

After the session, I looked up the ancient, medicinal uses of apricot. Interestingly enough I found that the apricots were used for treatment of cancer and skin wounds…Both are very telling in this story. I don’t know what your wound needs to heal, nor the persons you are in tug of war war with in similar scenarios of seeking love…What I am offering here is an example and awareness for your ability to tame and heal your dragon…

May you find courage to be still when the thorn is hurting before you breathe the fire out to burn others and yourself as a result of your hurt…May you are able to connect to divine fuchsia love that fulfils the hollow space inside your thorn. May you are able to use the fire breath of your dragon in the forms of creativity through healing your thorn instead of burning others with your pain. May you are able to say goodbye to your thorn, heal your wounds and wounds of others…

Namaste,

Picture credit: http://stuffpoint.com/dragons/image/131408/fiery-dragon-bathe-picture/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuchsia#mediaviewer/File:Fuchsia_2008.jpg

http://www.tasteofbeirut.com/2013/12/dried-fruit-salad-khoshaf-2/

Tijen

Being an empath and being tangled up in others emotions

Empathy is the ability to sense and understand people. Being able to in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one’s empath capacity. Empaths have the ability to scan another’s psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Many empaths, including me, are unaware of how this actually works, and simply accepted that they are sensitive to others. Since this is not a gift that one is able to turn on or off, it is often that empaths express exhaustion out of this gift as they feel what is happening in their environment without any protection…Therefore you often see that empaths become skilled problem solvers regardless of solution being sought or not. The problem solving becomes the empath’s way of copping and controlling the environment so they can achieve peace and happiness in their world…

Having to be and empath myself, I learned these skills very early. I remember sitting in my loud living room, hearing heated discussions of my large Turkish family, unable interpret clearly what was going as a small child and feeling unsafe. So I began to be "happy maker" and the sweetest child I could be. I became overly helpful for anyone…I did everything I could so no one was complaining since it was very painful for me to observe people in pain or discomfort.

I did not realize I was constantly doing this until I came to a point that I was exhausted. As there is no way that we can control our environment, or how other people feel about neither anything nor anyone. I also recently became aware that when I feel someone is being negative about something or speaking negatively about someone, I am closing in my heart center so that this negativity is not coming to me or through me….

It required hardcore unlearning training for me to let go of the being the problem solver for everyone around me as well as being the "happy maker". I still get urges to say I can do … for you time to time when people share their issues. But I feel much more comfortable listening to them without feeling a passionate need to clear their path. I learned to be the space and grace for them and learned to allow them to share their experience of sadness, darkness, anger and whatever they need to experience to learn what they need to learn. I understand that it has nothing to do with neither me nor my happiness. I admit that I am not quite the master yet at not inhaling their emotions or energies. Time to time I still include their energies in my energetic space but I am in much more heightened awareness state when I am doing it.

So today, I would like to share some methods that might be helpful for those of you who are empaths, problem solvers and happy makers out there with the mission of seeking their own happiness…It seems that in our level of consciousness we are still requiring a contrast for us to learn something. Therefore it is necessary to learn the sadness, and anger in the way towards learning happiness, acceptance and compassion. At least it was the case for me anyway. Thus, I recommend that you become more allowing in your environment for these emotions, feelings and energies without a need to make them different. Engage curiosity rather than the feeling of duty or responsibility. Once you are able to release your judgment towards what is happening and release the idea that it is your responsibility to bring harmony to the situation then you will stay in your own energy space and preserve the quality of your energies. Trust me, in that state you are much helpful for the other person than otherwise as they feel ok to feel whatever they are feeling instead of sensing that it is not ok to be angry, sad, upset or freaked out whatever the situation might be. If you feel so inclined to still support the other party in addition to be accepting; then you can engage the questions such as "I am wondering if any of my assistance needed?", "what kind of support, if any, would you need in this". Also you may engage the questions towards yourself such as "what is in this situation making me uncomfortable or need to make a change?", "what is in me have a need to dance with this energy and include in my energy space?"

It is also crucial to keep your heart open during the times when "culturally" unpleasant emotions are present. What I am finding out is that this can be done with the sense of "true compassion". Compassion in its definition means that to be able to understand the others without experiencing what is happening yourself. In this case, as you open your heart to it, while you are making it ok for others to experience whatever they are experiencing you will also heal your needs about fixing the situation…

So today my prayer is this…May you are able to engage compassion at the times of observing anything that makes you uncomfortable or raises a need to change. May you are able to detach from the experience you are observing. May you are able to sustain your energy and life force at all times and not invest into the situations that are not yours to change…

Namaste,

Picture credits: cartoonpacks.com, shirtoid.com, imperfectspirituality.com

Tijen

Leadership

Leadership is a quality often considered in the business or work environment. We don’t always notice, see or recognize the leaders in our families…It was two years ago when my family faced with a tragedy, I was exhausted trying to be everything for everyone until my coach asked me questions about my strengths and my qualities. She has me focused on those to manage through the tragedy instead of trying to do it all… I also remembered my husband’s words to me two years ago when this happened he said, Tijen you better pull yourself together. You need to support others going through this…

I was reflecting on these two conversations as I was writing an email to my cousin who is facing the very same tragedy…I felt her desperation the day before when I spoke with her…She didn’t know how to process grief and the shock of loss of a loved one, yet alone how to comfort her own family members…I did not realize at that time that what I was doing a leadership on grief processing… I do now. It became very clear to me while writing that email to her. My coaching words to her were very similar. It appeared to me that she is the grief leader now so someone needed to remind her that as well as her qualifications, such as ability to love, produce compassion, being the grace and many others that made her the great grief leader of her family…

Reflecting on this further makes me think we don’t often comprehend the leadership roles we carry in our families. Hence we either do not realize how important our leadership for others is or feel frustrated and exhausted due to not establishing appropriate team to provide us the support as the leader. So today, I wanted to create this awareness for you and the leadership you all provide to your families and friends through the experiences of life…

Please take a moment to reflect and get a better picture of your leadership qualities and how you provide leadership to others. Is it at the level that you wish to have? What kinds of support system do you have so you can provide successful leadership? Where are you taking others when you lead? What experiences or skills made you the leader? What other qualities of yours will be helpful as you lead? How are you growing through the leadership you provide and how are you enabling others to grow? How do you know when it is time to lead and when it is to follow? And how are you enabling others and growing new leaders? Also reflect, who is your leader and where are they taking you with their leadership? Is it where you want to end up?

With that, here is my prayer…May you express your leadership qualities with grace, elegance, compassion and love. May you find ease on your leadership no matter how difficult the circumstances…May you find the support, love and care from your teams as you lead…And may the places you take your followers is a place of forgiveness, growth, grace, compassion, love and light…

Namaste,

Tijen