Sustainable living

I have been speaking about purging at many levels in my other blogs already (Strategy execution and focus, Purging of the cells, etc.). Today I feel inspired to speak bit more about it. We were invited to Jersey Beach two weekends ago. I also had bunch of meetings scheduled during the week with friends. Due to activities my normal schedule shifted for my eating times and bed times. I have been living a very clean and hermit-like life last couple of years besides my work activities due to various reasons. Therefore when my schedule shifts it creates a magnified impact on my body and my system. I was sensing that all these meetings I scheduled a bit too much for me energetically but due to upcoming overseas travel, I went along with them. And by Thursday evening, despite how much I was enjoying seeing my friends, I was experiencing excoriating migraine and a very strong cold. I was in major pain. It took me three days to get over the migraine and I am still recovering from the cold. A friend of mine said “I am sensing system overload, does that makes sense to you?” I said absolutely, that is exactly what happened. My head felt like I was in MRI for 5 days and my body felt like I was shouted for five days in very crowded environment. Once the headache ceased I was able to go outside, walk and ground myself with the nature and discharge all that I was inhaled from the environments and people I interacted with.

More you do spiritual cleansing and practice more you become sensitive to your environment and psychic overload. Last couple of years, I could sense that the place I am living, and loved to be in before, has too much disturbing energy. The energy in North East of US has a very much speeding paste and lots of activity hoarding due to collective “not-enough-ness consciousness”. I have been sensing that I need to move to somewhere else. In fact I had a discussion with another dear friend who had a second house in New Mexico. She was telling me when she returns here she is sensing the rush in the air. That infamous energy flow of “The New York Minute” is very exhausting…

I wanted to share all this with you today to bring into your attention the idea of “sustainability” in your lifestyle and living. A friend of mine was pushing herself to go through her promise of being a Maid of Honor for her close friend and feeling it was becoming so hard and harsh for her to go through with it, especially after losing her mother recently. Yes, there are times that we need to push through. I have done that for many years to get through though work schedules and my continuing educations. I feel though my body-mind system had it! I cannot do that no more; it is no longer sustainable living for me. We all feel it but often culture shames us from taking a break. We feel like we need an excuse to have a vacation, at least here in the USA. More activity is better and one is not allowed to take a break. But our systems are overloaded and we are breaking down, both the adults and children; and we are influencing the rest of the world to be like that to have a sense of worth and value. Who decided that the “nourishing ourselves and not scheduling anything” is a “non-value” activity?? I don’t know who started it, but I can tell you, it is time to stop it… We all need a service station to take a break before we can continue on our journey. Plus non-stop activities are disabling our creativity.

So today my questions are around sustainable living… How sustainable is your home and work environments are for you? How sustainable your activities and friendships that you have accumulated? How are you feeling after each activity? When the feeling of being tired or not good present, do you immediately shame yourself and force to be quiet or not listen to and honor your truth? How comfortable are you to express your truth to others? I have shared with my friends that I no longer wish to have late dinners. I can meet them in the park for a walk. This is my current truth now. How do you share your truth? How much are you aware of the impact of what you do in you? How willing are you to make necessary changes towards making your life more sustainable?

May you find courage to break through the cultural barriers of shame to create a sustainable life and living for you. May you are able to express your current truth without being afraid or being misunderstood. May you learn and teach the value of non-activity to replenish yourself and others.

Namaste,

Tijen

Social responsibilities

We often hear this phrase relates to the Corporations as they need to take part in social responsible acts as a give back into the communities at large. Also each of us do certain things as social responsible human beings in our communities, such as providing donations to the ones in need, not throwing our trash out onto the streets, recycling, etc. Yet, I am wondering if we are really stepping up onto our social responsibilities and moralities…

As a little girl, I remember my mother not disposing the water after the washing the clothes and using them to clean the floors to be caring when she used the natural resources. No one I knew was recycling back then in Turkey…When everyone else was upgrading their kitchen and changing their furniture she stayed strong and didn’t do that in order not to contribute to wasteful behavior…She is still a very caring person for the community and the nature. I often take the recycle items from my friend’s trash and put them into recycle when visiting, if I see them thrown in thereJ Not that I am a bag ladyJ, or want them to feel bad, but to create awareness and care for the environment…I try and am still learning to consume less and generate less trash for my environment. I pick up trash on the streets as I take a walk., I sometimes I make a date with my friends at a neighborhood park to do a trash collecting walk…I am writing some of this as ideas as inspirations for the reader…

And I feel that there is more to the social responsibilities we carry. Especially in these critical times of I called it "major software upgrade" of the humanity. I don’t know what came over me this weekend, my friend said. And she continued to say "I had an awareness of how much others and I included; indulge in gossip and judgment of other people. I’m becoming more and more aware of how often I do this and I no longer want to be this way, nor participate in this type of communication. It’s fruitless and unnecessary….I just want to let people do and be what they are…I don’t have to approve or like it, but I don’t have to badmouth or judge it either". I said why you don’t try unsubscribing yourself from that behavior pattern?

We are all subscribed to certain thought patterns through our social and moral training as well as genetic inheritance. We continue to behave in the way that is registered into our subconscious as long as we don’t stop, observe and make a choice in the behavior. As we started breathing into the 21st century, what behaviors are still relevant into this consciousness level, have you ever examined that? What are you wishing to continue and contribute to production of such behavior "subscription" and what makes sense to stop the subscription now? What is your morality at this moment? Is it still in alignment with what you have thought back then or do you have different values? We all contribute to the collective consciousness…How conscious are you in the way you are contributing? Unless we all disconnect from certain behaviors they will continue to be in existence instead of being expired like dinosaurs…(See Expiring needs blog)

So today, my teaching is just that…Be aware, be sensitive, be alive as you continue to contribute to the collective consciousness and as you keep alive the behaviors you subscribed to. Evaluate them, do the purging we have been talking about in this context as well…See what needs to be still kept alive, what needs to be returned into the nothingness they came from…Reevaluate, reassess, readjust your subscriptions and contributions to elevate yourself and others to the next level of their being…

With that, here comes the prayer…May you be present in each moment, each breath as you chose to behave. May you find the courage to help others as we expire the behaviors no longer needed with loving ways…May you find ease in your un-subscription process…

Namaste,

Tijen

Purging of the cells…

As many of you know I am in a purging mission at a deeper level this year. Severing lots of connections that is made by me from me to the things, organizations, relationships and all so that I can make the connections from much more loving place than the one was made with fear, desire to be busy, desire to own things etc…When one advances spiritually this sort of an act becomes necessity at some point along with a reflective time in order to see the behavioral patterns, energetic connections and their impact. Although Caroline Myss calls the mystics of our time "Mystics without Monasteries" and that is true, there still is a need of a reflective time and space in order for one’s ability to connect its own intelligence and release the fear from the driver seat.

I have deepened my daily practice last 4-5 years and allowed myself to spend quality time with myself. For someone who spent 26 years of her life in a high-speed corporate environment, this becomes a challenging act at first. I used to create meeting invites for myself on my calendar to be able to it. As time passes, and you release the fear, and acknowledge yourself as a human being, then the appreciation of one’s self becomes alive as well as acknowledgment along respect of such a reflective time…

Once you reach that place you then meet the intelligence of your cells that the scientist such as Candace Pert or Bruce Lipton is talking about. I didn’t need laboratory to meet mine luckily, neither many other mystics did. I started to meet mine as I changed the emphasis in my yoga practice from the movements itself onto the impact, which the movement was creating. I started to observe what was happening internally. Then I realized that the movements of yoga poses were creating space inside of my body, my tissue, my cells. I also became aware what was stored there. Often beliefs and emotions were creating tightness in the muscle tissue that needed to be heard, understood, sometimes negotiated around the belief itself to see if another thought can be replaced with that might enable more flow inside the body. (I named this cellular level coaching)

I also realized that the full-ness of the cells with these thoughts, beliefs and emotions were blocking the breath, the divine light into those areas as these were resonating at a much denser frequency. I called these spaces in my other blogs "un-breathable" places…If I can offer you a metaphor; it is like you cannot go to your basement, attic or any other place in your very own house, because of your fears of something being there. As your fear increases or emotional clutter grows, the space you can use in your house gets smaller and smaller; eventually you get stuck in a small room, cannot breathe and lose your connections to the rest of the house. I am feeling that somehow this is what is happening o dementia and Alzheimer patients, but this is just my thought….

When the body gets clogged, it often creates some sort of a disease to draw the attention and give us opportunity to purge. However, in the Western societies we have no value of such acts. Therefore, even the deeply spiritual beings run to the doctors, get a scan, get some pills and continue to ignore reflective behavior.

Therefore today, I am writing to create further awareness in this subject. If you feel like you have no places left to go, it might be time for you for cellular purging…If you would like to take your spiritual development and transformation to the next level, it might be time for your cellular purging. Even if you don’t care much for yourself, your desire to help others to heal can bring you there as some of these thought patterns are handed down to us from our lineage through generations, and they are not even yours. You are subscribing to them by birth. If you wish to terminate the subscription for your lineage to these unwanted delivery, it might be time for you for cellular purging…If you want to illuminate yourself from within, make the dormant places inside you become alive, engage your intelligence fully, it might be time for you for cellular purging…

Here comes the prayer, may your intelligence reside within guide you towards the well-needed and well-deserved quality time with yourself. May you are able to reach the seduction of one’s connection to one’s wisdom within. May you find the courage to dive deep within, engage the curiosity to understand all your accumulations so that the purging can start for you and your lineage.

Namaste,

Tijen

Wobbly fence with Rescuer and Victim dance

Can you take the lead on this she said since I don’t know much about this and I am going to be away? I felt needing to say yes waves were rising inside of me….I took a moment to think about what was happening…This was a month after I transitioned my responsibilities to her. Since then she was keep asking me to continue on the responsibilities, which I already transitioned…There was something wrong in this picture I said to myself…, It might be better for you to find other people to help you, this way I can focus on what I need to focus on, and we can free ourselves from the dance of your victim and my rescuer, I said…

Most recent storms and strong winds in the Pennsylvania ripped the connection point of the fence from the siding of my house, and the fence between me and my neighbor became wobbly. I love my neighbor. She is a wonderful person and having a wobbly fence between the two of us is not an issue as neither of us cross the line J Even that is the case, I called to management to get this fixed yesterday as the flowers on my side and her side were crossing over to each other’s back yard while fence was wobbly…

This incident symbolically reminded me of the engagement and the relationship I described above….When the boundaries are not set or clear; and there are tendencies of struggle with the spiritual growth. One often finds oneself in this Rescuer and Victim dance and the relationship turns into a co-dependent one. My rescuer is like a well-trained rescue dog. As soon as she senses there is someone to be rescued, she will jump and rescue…At least that has been the case for a long time for me. It took many life tragedies, self-compassion, self-discipline, and ability to see the others in their full glory without my judgment in their capabilities, for me get out of this overly trained- and exhausting rescue pattern…If you have this tendency, you know that no matter how much you train yourself, you will be tested again and again. The people who have the victim archetype will try you in every way until you exit from this dance and learn to see their grace…

There was a movie called Guardian that was released in 2006 with Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher where legendary rescue swimmer Ben Randall played by Kevin Costner, teaches Ashton Kutcher some hard lessons about loss, love, and self-sacrifice. It was a great movie and it affected me deeply as they were trained rescuers and learning mastery of when to rescue and when to let go as it could easily cost them their lives or lives of others can be rescued while trying to rescue someone who is not “rescuable”…This is a very hard choice to make…Especially when the people who are in the victim role are near and dear to our hearts. I often see in my friends and especially in other coaches this distorted rescue pattern in their familial relationships. They seem to be exhausted out of this relationship yet continue to burden themselves and disabling others. This engagement often gets in their way to support who are in need of their help for their spiritual growth and ready to grow due to their investment in their time and effort trying to rescue “unrescuables”…

My teaching on this is coming from my own learnings, observations and trial and error…The best tool for getting out of co-dependent relationship is one’s ability to see the other person’s light no matter what condition and situation they are in. Remember, it is your belief and judgment about the person and the situation keeps you in this viscous circle. In these times, make a choice to subscribe to another belief and let go of the judgment; see the divine in the other being. They are going through their own spiritual growth. If you do all their homework, what will they learn??It is often our feeling of being inadequate and not-good-enough that makes us feel overly responsible about whatever is happening in our environment. When you feel this huge wave of rescuing rising, turn inward and check in with that wound. See what is in you feeling inadequate and you are trying to suppress that feeling by ignoring you, and trying to be a hero in order to suppress that voice…Don’t try to bloom on the other side of the fence, before you can bloom on your side…

Remember, love does not need to be shown or measured with the sacrifices you make…True love exist in our ability to see the Go-o-d-ness in each other, the divine light, not the helpless victim. If you chose to use the currency of sacrifice in your love exchange you will see that is a currency faces a lot of inflation and the price is always higher in the next exchange…It is un-fulfill-able cost.

With that, here comes the prayer…May you find love for you in you as you try to be helpful and giving for others. May you are able to set clear and healthy boundaries in your relationships. May you never and ever again feel the need to measure the love with the currency of sacrifice ever again…

Further references: The Guardian Movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406816/

Codependent no more by Melody Beattie http://www.alibris.com/search/books/isbn/9781419381225?ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=9781419381225

Picture credits:

Namaste,

Tijen

God Carrier

…we are made from the image of God. We carry piece of it with us therefore we are God Carriers, said Desmond Tutu during the interview with Krista Tippet. He explained that how he used this phrase to encourage and empower the nation that has been suppressed, and made believe that they were less than and not good enough of others who were ruling them…

This is not a concept that is unfamiliar to me. I often use similar techniques and phrases to encourage and inspire towards self-empowerment of the individuals during my coaching sessions or otherwise. Yet, somehow his phrase really stuck with me, may be the way he used it. He had so much love oozing trough his words that was so yummy to listen to…

I wanted to extend that love, grace and healing to all who is reading this message today. Just a quick reminder that you all have a precious, grace-filled and power-full cargo with you that is Divine…We are all God Carriers. That is the fact… I am just curious what are you doing with that power? How do you carry God in you? How do you express? How do you use it to empower or disempower others? Do you use to suppress or do you use to enable? What are you creating with it? How is your carrying God shining to and through you?

In Islamic tradition there is a belief that you will have an “exit interview” with Archangels Gabriel and Michael upon death. They will be questioning you on what you did with your life. Of course, as most religions do, this is often presented as a scary story. For me it is a lovely exist interview to review your life with ultimate life coaches… Divine love and kindness on one side, and Strength and Justice on the other…Once you return home, they will sit with you and overview how you did it…It is your own review of you…

I just wanted to bring that scene before you, prior to your achievement of that accomplishment today, regardless of your belief system. Offer you that wisdom and ask you how do you do? What have you been doing with your “Go-o-d-ness”???

And here comes the prayer….May you be grace-full, love-ing, peace-full, truthful, and impeccable in your actions in always and all ways…May you always remember you are a God Carrier in everything that you do.

Namaste,

Picture credit: Archangels: http://www.prayerofheart.com/about_prayer.html

Further reference: http://www.onbeing.org/program/desmond-tutus-god-surprises/85

Tijen

What questions do you ask?

She said the feedback is that you don’t ask enough questions…I was puzzled. I felt upset and angry. This was years ago when I was hired as an analyst to a fortune 100 financial firm. I was thinking to myself at that time, why should I ask questions, I understand what was going on with what they tell me… That was very true; I always had the ability to sense the things beyond the words. Plus, growing up in Turkish culture where everyone asks a lot of questions with no hesitation about your personal life, I really disliked asking questions to anyone since I did not like the questions I was being asked…Even then, I started to try asking more questions. I did not like it at all at first. Felt weird, uncomfortable, sometimes took away from my ability to stay quiet and sense, but I did it anyway.

Now I can say that I am a queen of question askingJ After becoming master in process improvement, and becoming a coach, I cannot think anything other than asking questions to get intimate with the process or the person at hand. I have a very different perspective now in question asking. I now ask questions to bring clarity into the situations people otherwise don’t see. In problem solving whether it is a process that is not working well or an issue a person having in their life, one requires intimacy to understand. I still use my empathic skills and intuition to sense what is happening. And rather just tell them what is going on I ask questions so that people realize themselves…I can say that being able to ask "masterful questions" is one of the major skills to achieve mastery in coaching…

Let me tell you that the question asking is not only a tool for analysts, process improvement experts or coaches. One’s ability to ask questions to self enables spiritual growth. Therefore I see question asking is a major tool for anyone in the path of spiritual advancement towards enlightenment…It is often that when we stop questions ourselves or things in our lives then we stop growing spiritually.

So today, I am writing to bring awareness into your ability to ask questions to yourself? When do you sit down quietly, be curious about you and ask questions to get intimate with you? What do you find out when you do that? How does that feel? How often do you do it? What questions do you ask to other people? How do those questions make them feel? What happens to your relationship with yourself and others with your style of questioning, does that bring you loser or create more distance?

Here is my prayer for today: May you are able to achieve in mastery in your questioning towards your spiritual advancement. May your questions always be loving, caring and growth enabling. May you be able to engage utmost curiosity, playfulness and joy in your questioning process with child-like innocence.

Namaste,

Tijen

Strategy execution and focus

As a strategic advisor I taught many executives over the years how to create clear vision and how to focus on that vision so that they can bring the vision into life. I often see that the people first of all do not have a clear vision. It takes an effort to clarify. Then they often don’t have a strategy about how to execute the vision. Clarifying the vision and setting the strategy are two different skills. The first one requires a coach like approach to get it out of the people; the second one requires consulting skills to help them design. I enjoyed doing it both and helped many strategies to become alive. That is one of my gifts in this life.

Since the beginning of the year, as I shared in my few logs and on Instagram, I am purging. We often don’t realize that the things we have and our life style has a big impact on our vision. Both of these were a result of the vision that accumulated the things and created the lifestyle. Once you grew out of that vision, it requires reassessing both and eliminating the things that are not in line with the new vision.

As I saw in the corporate world, I see in the personal life lots of people struggling to bring anew in their life due to lack of vision and lack of strategy. My friends are often in awe seeing how fast I implement changes into my life. It takes guts and takes strategy. It is also often overlooked that the how much your energy is divided by the things you have. I know this already, but I am still in awe since January by living this truth. I had so many computers lying around and so many paper and electronic files. I have spent the big part of the winter months going through them, consolidating and eliminating. It feels like a huge task to go through them all since for me it is not a fun thing to do. I rather pay a teenager to get it done but it requires your decision making and attention. I am now feeling grateful that I didn’t hire someone to do it as it felt like I needed to go through and see what I did, how much I spread my energies over how many things; then consolidate, collect and reunite them back into me. It was a big chore with big reward…

I have a prayer that I came up with when I was working on calling my energy and power back from the time, space and people a few years ago. It goes like this "I call my power back from the people, from the places; from the past, from the future to the now". It is a power-full prayer and one can feel the energy flowing back right through the belly button (3rd chakra) if you are sensitive to your energies and do this in a quiet space. This purging and consolidating work did the same. We don’t realize how much of our energy invested in the things, activities and people. So focusing on all will have great energetic returns to one’s life. And this is one of the reasons, along with the unclear vision; people often cannot implement changes in their life as they have no energy left to invest in them.

I was part of the American culture of activity hoarding to make myself feel better for many years. In this culture- needless to say I am now observing all around the world due to American influence-, self-worth is very much associated with the busy-ness of the human being. The distorted belief is that, if you are not busy, you must not be that important…It took me years to get out of it and realizing my self-worth has nothing to do with my business or any things else. I am worthy, just by my existence. I am a creation of divine for a reason and that reason is nothing to do with how much I do, rather how I engage in this world. How I bring my essence into my engagements…

So today, I would like to bring awareness into your life and ask you where, who and how many things in your life your energy is spread thin? What are your energetic investments and what is your return? What is the ROI (Return on Investment)? What is the yield? What was your vision when you started investing your energy, your breath on these things? What is your vision now? How are these investments in alignment with your current vision? How will you close the gap in your energetic investments? Which accounts need to close? Where do you need to accept the loss and move on? What are your most profitable ones, and how do you shift your focus onto them more?

Here is today’s prayer…May you find inspiration to reassess your life. May you find courage to let go of the energetic connections are diminishing your life source. May you are able to clarify and execute your vision…

Picture credits: yogagirl2.wordpress.com

Namaste,

Tijen

Separation and Carryon…

I have a tendency to carry lots of things with me to be sure I have everything I need on the road. I remember doing this when I was going to the university years ago. I had a very heavy bag over my shoulder and it was hard to do this every day in a public transportation. Not everything I carry of course being used, but I don’t often go back and reassess…

It was easier to carry things around when I came to US and had a car. Also in the US everything is designed in a way to support people with disabilities so one can easily have a carryon roller and move around no problems. I remember struggling with my heavy computer bag in London tube and streets when I worked there.

Last weekend, I decided to empty my computer bag that was with me for years during my corporate career. It was a hefty one. I often carried bunch of extra things in case I facilitated a workshop or something on the fly, but that doesn’t happen since it requires a lot of planning…It was nice to see that bag empty finally. It gave me feeling of weightlessness. I was finally free from the heavy, bulky, computer bag with tone of things, in case someone needed something…Phew!!

My husband is a loner like me but he doesn’t hold onto the things like I do. Since we started to wonder around the world together he has been training me to travel with less. I can proudly say that I was able to go to Turkey for one month with a carryon bag! He also bought the smallest purse you can imagine for me on my birthday couple years ago. I started to have a trial run with that as I went to the grocery store, etc. I am able to use it now when I am out for a short while. But I still have a big purse for other times…

As I was looking at my empty computer carryon bag this morning, it made me wonder how much of material and emotional stuff we carry on with us at all times without realizing that we really don’t need them. It took me so many years to see it after emptying my "career bag"…And of course emotional weight is often assessed once we experience a loss either by separation or a death. Separation experiences often make us reassess and reevaluate what we do. After all, I would not empty my computer carryon if it wasn’t the separation from the work I was doing…

So today, I would like to bring this to your awareness…Ask you what you are carrying on with you at all times, whether it is material objects or emotional weight. How is that serving you? How much of that you really need? How much of the stuff you are carrying with an idea that someone else might need it. How much of that is related to some sort of a fear of not "being" or "having" enough? When was it the last time you emptied your bag? What would make you to even reassess? What happens if you empty it and let go all of it? How much of it are you feeling comfortable to release at this very moment? How much of it requires some sort of an inner work to release?

After asking you all those questions, I am sending my prayers for your journey of separation from the stuff and weight, which you don’t need. May you find ease at letting go, release and free yourself and others from the weight you have been carrying around. May you feel the lightness of being by releasing and freeing you and the objects and emotions that are weighing you down.

Theme Song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCKxMeX8mI0

Weightless by Natasha Bedingfield

The sky is the limit
And I just wanna flow
Free as a spirit on a journey of hope
Cut the strings and let me go
I’m weightless, I’m weightless
Millions of balloons heading to the ground
Weight of the world tries to hold us down
Cut the strings and let me go
I’m weightless, I’m weightless,
I’m weightless, I’m weightless…

All the things I held in my fist
If I don’t let go, I don’t exist
They’ve become the things that define me
How I look and the things to buy me
That’s not important anymore
I feel me rising off the floor
Light as a feather, I’m carefree
I’m weightless…

Namaste,

Picture credits: technovelgy.com

Tijen

Joyful puzzling

I don’t know what it is but about two months now the electronics around me keep breaking down. My car battery died 3 times in last month. We realized it was due to Bluetooth not turning off in the car, which I never use. During this ordeal CD exchanger in the car got confused and got stuck in loading the CDs in it. My garage door decided to close down, touch the ground and then come right back up for a month and then decided to not to work at all. One of my computers locked me out and the other one gave me blue screen that I had to reinstall everything on both to get them to work again. iMessage on my iPhone turned itself offJ I didn’t understand what was all this about but it felt too much to deal with all these things all at once. I am a well-trained and skilled problem solver. My attention focuses on a problem until I solve it. I am not one of those people can leave things broken and be completely fine with it…I guess, this all is about a new training for me, be fine with what is broken and accept what isJ

Along the fixing journey of mine, I ended up spending quality time with my girlfriends that I haven’t had an opportunity to spend time with. It was lovely. I also realized that it has been a while since I fixed my own computers and I still got it, still can do much better job than the guys in Best Buy Geek TeamJ I understood that my husband is completely capable of speaking with the Garage Door repair man and get that fixedJ So it has been a shift in my behavior and also thinking. But more of the "satoray" or "aha" moment came yesterday.

I decided to take a break from loading software onto my computer that I was trying to fix and take a walk. I was listening to Krista Tippet on her show called On Being. I enjoy her show on Sunday mornings and she has a new app now one can listen to it on demand. She was interviewing Dr. Ellen Langer. Ellen Langer is a social psychologist who is known with her unconventional studies. Her studies are confirming that our experiences are formed by the words and ideas we attach to them. Naming something "play" rather than "work" can mean the difference between delight and drudgery. She is one of the early pioneers — along with figures like Jon Kabat-Zinn and Herbert Benson — in drawing a connection between mindlessness and unhappiness, between mindfulness and health.

As I listened to that interview, I said to myself this is a concept I am not only familiar with but also teach during my mind-body classes as well as I guide my clients during my coaching sessions. How come I don’t engage it in myself as I conduct my life??? Duh!!! I sent my blessings to Dr. Langer and Krista Tippet, stopped listening, and focused myself internally for the rest of my walk to notice what things in my life I considered "work" and what part of those activities were related to things I really enjoyed. One of which was resolving puzzles. I loved them and have so much fun doing it. So I decided to call the computer fixing work that I have been dreadfully doing "joyful-puzzling". Minute I did that the whole energy around it got changed. It lightened up, joy flew in it. I could almost see the weight lifting and sparkles coming to itJ When I returned to home to resume my activities, it was a much different engagement and much easier flow. Not to mention that the computer with the blue screen that was not working for two days, decided to fix itself!!

Dr. Langer was suggesting in her interview that to call work-life balance work-life integration. Of course this is an option. But for me the word "work" had lots of weight in it. Socially we had a need to categorize things to understand them better such as work, exercise, etc. I am wondering if that is still the case? I am sensing that this need to categorize things were the needs mostly of the Baby Boomer Generation…It seem to me that the Generation X people were carrying on this behavior but not so much in love with it… Generation Y and Z have completely different attitude. They like to engage in things that they enjoy doing and not call anything work, hence they don’t want to be in the office or sit in a cubicle like the Baby Boomers and Gen Xes had so much pleasure doing it for many years.

So today I am suggesting that exit the idea of such categorizations and call things that you do like joyful inquiry, joyful activity or whatever it is that you wish to call…Notice your energy when you label something. If it is heavy and leaving unpleasant taste in your mouth then it is your sign to make a different label for it. Get an imaginary label maker today and start labeling things you do often and not feel good about it. It could be around your diet, your fitness whatever it is…See where it takes you…

May you find joy, pleasantness and harmony in anything and everything you wish to engage now and always…

Namaste,

Further references: http://www.onbeing.org/

Tijen

Being an empath and being tangled up in others emotions

Empathy is the ability to sense and understand people. Being able to in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one’s empath capacity. Empaths have the ability to scan another’s psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Many empaths, including me, are unaware of how this actually works, and simply accepted that they are sensitive to others. Since this is not a gift that one is able to turn on or off, it is often that empaths express exhaustion out of this gift as they feel what is happening in their environment without any protection…Therefore you often see that empaths become skilled problem solvers regardless of solution being sought or not. The problem solving becomes the empath’s way of copping and controlling the environment so they can achieve peace and happiness in their world…

Having to be and empath myself, I learned these skills very early. I remember sitting in my loud living room, hearing heated discussions of my large Turkish family, unable interpret clearly what was going as a small child and feeling unsafe. So I began to be "happy maker" and the sweetest child I could be. I became overly helpful for anyone…I did everything I could so no one was complaining since it was very painful for me to observe people in pain or discomfort.

I did not realize I was constantly doing this until I came to a point that I was exhausted. As there is no way that we can control our environment, or how other people feel about neither anything nor anyone. I also recently became aware that when I feel someone is being negative about something or speaking negatively about someone, I am closing in my heart center so that this negativity is not coming to me or through me….

It required hardcore unlearning training for me to let go of the being the problem solver for everyone around me as well as being the "happy maker". I still get urges to say I can do … for you time to time when people share their issues. But I feel much more comfortable listening to them without feeling a passionate need to clear their path. I learned to be the space and grace for them and learned to allow them to share their experience of sadness, darkness, anger and whatever they need to experience to learn what they need to learn. I understand that it has nothing to do with neither me nor my happiness. I admit that I am not quite the master yet at not inhaling their emotions or energies. Time to time I still include their energies in my energetic space but I am in much more heightened awareness state when I am doing it.

So today, I would like to share some methods that might be helpful for those of you who are empaths, problem solvers and happy makers out there with the mission of seeking their own happiness…It seems that in our level of consciousness we are still requiring a contrast for us to learn something. Therefore it is necessary to learn the sadness, and anger in the way towards learning happiness, acceptance and compassion. At least it was the case for me anyway. Thus, I recommend that you become more allowing in your environment for these emotions, feelings and energies without a need to make them different. Engage curiosity rather than the feeling of duty or responsibility. Once you are able to release your judgment towards what is happening and release the idea that it is your responsibility to bring harmony to the situation then you will stay in your own energy space and preserve the quality of your energies. Trust me, in that state you are much helpful for the other person than otherwise as they feel ok to feel whatever they are feeling instead of sensing that it is not ok to be angry, sad, upset or freaked out whatever the situation might be. If you feel so inclined to still support the other party in addition to be accepting; then you can engage the questions such as "I am wondering if any of my assistance needed?", "what kind of support, if any, would you need in this". Also you may engage the questions towards yourself such as "what is in this situation making me uncomfortable or need to make a change?", "what is in me have a need to dance with this energy and include in my energy space?"

It is also crucial to keep your heart open during the times when "culturally" unpleasant emotions are present. What I am finding out is that this can be done with the sense of "true compassion". Compassion in its definition means that to be able to understand the others without experiencing what is happening yourself. In this case, as you open your heart to it, while you are making it ok for others to experience whatever they are experiencing you will also heal your needs about fixing the situation…

So today my prayer is this…May you are able to engage compassion at the times of observing anything that makes you uncomfortable or raises a need to change. May you are able to detach from the experience you are observing. May you are able to sustain your energy and life force at all times and not invest into the situations that are not yours to change…

Namaste,

Picture credits: cartoonpacks.com, shirtoid.com, imperfectspirituality.com

Tijen

Allowing to be all-loving

Last two days my awareness busy showing me incidents and events that take place where we try controlling other people’s love-giving… This is what I would like to speak to you about today. I would ask of you to take a moment and reflect on your life to see if that is or has been the case for you…I am noticing some fears that built within us that makes us controlling due to fear of not being special, not getting enough attention, not being loved or whatever that might be the case for you that makes us behave in a way that influences our loved one’s offering of love.

Let me be more specific…Have you ever been judgmental towards someone when someone you know was speaking about their relationship in the name of being protective of them, such as “they did this to you, they are not coming from a good family, their grades are not good, they don’t have a good job, they are not from our cast, they are not from our family, our religion, they are not beautiful enough, good-looking enough, thin enough, they don’t have a car, etc…”. You get the point. In the surface, your act might be looking as if you are being protective of a loved one. I am asking you to lift that layer at this very moment you are reading this blog…

What you will find underneath that layer is a sore, hurting skin that might be bleeding with a fear that they might be choosing someone over you, or your needs might not be taken care of with the attention this person will be giving to the other one. You can label it whatever you want, and might not even agree to my comments about your need to be more special for your loved one. That is all OK. But no matter what your reasoning is, what you are doing is that you are trying to prevent someone to send love for someone…Would you be OK to take a moment and observe the energy flow on such moments in your life to see the truth?

As I spoke about this on my prior blogs before, we are not designed to hold the love. Love is a very strong force in the universe that creates so much tension in the body for anyone trying to capture it and not allowing going out. Love needs to be free-flowing. And it is not our job to be judging who needs to love who. Trust me you do not want to have that karma over you…Never…

So today, my gift to you is this awareness…Next time you find yourself in such a conversation, take a moment and allow your emotions to process themselves before you suggest anything to the other party. It is OK to present your observations in the situation with enough space so that they feel free to make a choice without feeling the pressure from you. You will know the difference in your choice of words as well as your energy in that moment…Check in to see if you are allowing and all-loving…If not, see if you could make a choice to disengage from that energetic exchange. Allow other’s to love freely…Love will never hurt anyone; not meeting expectations is a different story…

Here is my prayer for this day on this act of loving. May you find the grace in you that enable you to be allowing to be all-loving….May you be spacious in your conversations with your loved ones for them to make their own choices of love giving and love receiving…

Namaste,

 

Tijen

Gepetto, Annapoorna and German Flower Fairy…

I woke up at 5:00 am on my last day in Spain. The sun was not there yet but the full moon was creating a beautiful picture over the cloudy skies and shining through the palm trees towards the garden. It was mature, fully extending itself to the life to create more life through the silent nights. She did not need to be in the forefront any longer nor need her creations to be acknowledged. She was OK just creating silently while everyone else was resting…I decided to incorporate that into my practice for that day…My intention for the day was to recognize the abundance in everything I experienced…As I did my morning practice, I set that intention…

My husband drew me to the airport that morning. He was leaving the next day as he wanted to spend some time in Denmark before returning to US…I went into Malaga airport. It was my first time being there in the departures. It was an OK airport with bunch of cafes. I found a place to sit. There was a free 15 minutes internet. I used that abundance to speak to my loved ones before my departure. Then I learned that French were in strike and their act was impacting the flights over their air space. I felt frustrated. I didn’t see any abundance in that, it was rather a nuisance. It brought back memories from my visit to Paris. They were in strike again and I wasn’t able to see most of the touristic attractions…I said to myself, they know how not to work! We just need to be informed when they are not in strike that would be news!!…Then I thought, that is a passive aggressive act. If you don’t give me what I want, I will that penalize you and everyone comes to my way…I felt that this is a negotiation technique needs to expire in the 21st century mindset…We need more create and loving ways to negotiate…

My flight was delayed and it took much longer as we diverted the route. The rest of the 45 passengers and I with the connections were concerned to not being able to make our connecting flights in Zürich. I was sitting in my seat, trying to choose between being anxious about something I have no control over or chose to relax and look for abundance….That moment, flight attendant arrived with a luscious tasting Swiss chocolate. She said with her huge smile, would you like to have Swiss chocolate? I looked at her and said, who in right mind, would not?? I took it of course! Then my eyes went to the screen. They were showing their cheeses on the screen. My mind went there…Started to watch their cheeses…Until another flight attendant came with another big smile to say would you like to have cheese cake? I said to myself, I just had a chocolate and did not feel like eating any more desserts…I said why not? It was a nice surprise!! It was not a cheesecake as we know it in the US, which is a dessert. It was rather a delicious Swiss cheese pie…I was not even hungry but I ate it. It was delicious….Very abundant feeding indeedJ

I was still bit concerned about my connecting flight. I had only 1.5 hours in between the flights and my darling friend Chhaya was coming to pick me up when I land at 8:00 pm US time. I didn’t want to be later than that nor miss my flight to create more complications for her. She was getting up very early to go to work and I did not want to affect her bed time. We landed to Zürich 45 minutes late. I didn’t know this airport either. I figured out that it was a big airport and my connecting flight was on the other end of the airport that I needed to take a train to get to. I was trying to run there with my carry-on luggage and my heavy hand back. I was sweating but I made the next flight. I was feeling a headache coming over due all this taking place …I got into my seat. It felt much tighter than the flight to Zürich and this flight was 8 hours! As I settled in I noticed a big, old German guy came to sit next to me…He kind of looked like Gepetto, Pinocchio’s father and smelled like a basement was not aired for 20 years…Again, I was having difficulty finding any abundance in this experience…I was rather frustrated with it. Especially when he started talking to me and showering me with his spits!! As he talked a rainfall was coming over me that I had to keep a tissue in hand and constantly wipe myself. That, along with the way he smelled and my headache, I was ready to throw up…His spitting was certainly abundant!!! I was wondering where my spirit guides and angels were and what was happening?? I decided to put on my noise canceling headphones and try to dissociate from the situation by concentrating on the films. There was abundance of choices to watch. I watched some and ate more good food that the Swiss air was providing. I was not even hungry but chose to interact with the food in abundance…As a matter of fact, at some point, I said to myself I wish they serve ice cream it would be so nice to have it while watching movies…And to noticed that the next service they did!! That made me even more rebellious towards my angels and guides as they were granting my wishes in one way and then giving me this a faulty version of Gepetto, headache and concerned about landing late and creating a burden for my loving girlfriend….

We managed to land only 4 minutes after 8 pm. It didn’t take me long to get out of the airport as I only had a carry on. So it was a smooth sail accept that after the ice cream my stomach was even more upsetJ We came to Darling Chhaya’s home. She offered me more food to eat and to stay there over night. I said let me go home and get settled in and need to run down the food offer as my stomach was filled with it!! However, we soon found out that my car’s battery was completely drained while sitting in her garage. I could not understand how this was happening. I replaced the battery less than a month ago with a help of another lovely friend Maike. It was pass 9 pm. I was debating on what to do. I called Maike. She answered the phone with her loving voice to welcome me. I told her what happened, she offered to drive 45 minutes to come and help again. She did. It was way passed my friend Chhaya’s bed time, we were having slumber party the three of us, waiting service guy to come and help me out. My friends were not complaining rather expressing their love in abundance and joy to be with me…The repair guy came and fixed the situation with my car temporarily. I left my friend Chhaya’s house with tone of love, along with the fruits and vegetables that she shopped for me to make my return easier. My other darling friend Maike was following my car to make sure I arrived home ok. I was too tired, nauseous and sleepy when I arrived home to see the abundance in anything happened this very long day….I went to bed.

Next morning however gave me a clearer perspective in all this. The abundance was everywhere on that day…The food, the people who were there to help me out, their love, and care… My husband, who accompanies me and guides me all around the world and makes things easy for me…My Darling Chhaya, who is like Annapoorna, Indian goddess, the giver of food and nourishment. She sent me off to Spain with her love and nourishing food and picked me up with the very same. My Darling Maike, the German Flower Fairy. She comes quietly, puts her pixie dust on things to make things work and then leaves as quick, quiet, magical and loving… I still don’t know why the Gepetto was there?? But maybe he was a lost character just came into my movie, who knowsJ

So my message today is abundance…For you to notice, see, understand and appreciate in the middle of chaos, challenges and opportunities. Turn them into a love-fest in the middle of the night with your girlfriends. In JOY what life is presenting to you and be careful of what you are asking as the ice cream in an airplane can leave you with nausea afterwardsJ

May the river of abundance always be flowing in your loving lives…May you see, realize and allow it to flow through the soils of your life and your creation.

Namaste,
Picture credits: photobucket.com, exoticindianart.com, amothersluv.blogspot.com
Tijen

 

 

 

Who let the Gremlins out!!

In my Buttoned up Blog I presented a perspective about our buttons and what to do about it when they are being pushed…This time I would like to present another perspective, which I am hoping that would be helpful for you and your feelings towards the button pusherJ

I am travelling and going through lots of change, hence lots of emotions are floating around. Therefore my buttons are up and about, having a great timeJ May be even my soul is having a great time, but needless to say, my ego on the other hand is not and wanting to see everything as a threat; and direct the fear, discomfort and anger towards my lovely travel companion, that is my husband. Of course my working trough healing my emotions heavily last couple of years, deep emotional studies I have done to understand their purpose, how they move through us or get stuck in the cell tissue, what energy centers they block and so on are helpful to an extent; along with the book I coincidentally took with me to this tripJ But that does not mean that I go through them every so often and boil through their energies…

Yesterday, when we were exploring another town, many of them were rising up and down like the roller coaster. I was getting into my regular habit of thinking that my husband is the source of this emotional turmoil. At that instant this song came to my head, “Who let the dogs out!”…I looked at my husband, the Gremlin whisperer, I realized that he was the one letting the Gremlins out, but they were my Gremlins! He was so skillfully letting them out the closets…At that moment I was under a huge gratitude wave…It came and washed all over me…It was my soul agreement with him to work my gremlins out. He knew them very well and going to keep letting them free until I know what to do with them…

So today, I wanted to share this with you all lovely and loving beings…It is likely that your loved ones, the ones very close to you are going to be and has been your Gremlin Whisperers…Instead of choosing anger next time they free them out and about, direct your gratitude and grace towards them…Yes, the Gremlins are nuisance and they will be disruptive, disturbing and anything else they are good at…Choose to allow the feelings that are desiring to come up to surface by these Gremlins and allow them to float instead of directing your focus on the Gremlin Whisperer…Take your focus from your Gremlin Whisperers as that would be your escape mechanism from freedom of the self. Gremlins often sit in our Life source, Chi, Shakti whatever you wish to call, and block them coming in and coming out. Allow your Gremlin Whisperer’s to help you free the energy blockages; choose love towards them not rejection…Chose to ride the waves. The emotions are intelligent enough to cease as soon as they are acknowledged and can express themselves. All they trying to do are to get your attention to your blocked areas so that you become light with no restriction…

Here is my prayer for you today: May you find strength to generate love for your Gremlin Whisperers. May you choose to enable and recognize your emotions no matter what they are trying to bring your attention to. May you dance in your own, beautiful light, now and all ways…

Further resources:

  • Books:
    • The Untethered Soul, The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
    • Deadly Emotions: Understand the Mind-Body-Spirit Connection That Can Heal or Destroy You by Don Colbert M.D.
    • Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman
  • Essential Oils:
    • Release – Young Living Oil Mix
    • Common Sense – Young Living Oil Mix
  • Yoga Styles:
    • Yin Yoga
    • Restorative Yoga
  • Foods: Aloe Vera Juice, Cucumber, Pineapple, Cantaloupe

Namaste,

Picture credits: bbqsuccess.com, centroflordejasmim.blogspot.com

Tijen

 

 

Unexpected outcomes…

As a Program Manager who led multi-million dollars projects across countries and continents, I am used to seeing the outcomes that are different than unexpected. This is unfortunately treated and labeled as “failure” in the corporate environments, and the high level sponsors and executives quickly disassociate themselves from these projects, press down hard for the people who worked hard, day and night to make their dream happen. First of all, I like to express my view on this behavior. Having to observe this year after year, across many fortune 100 companies, was really hard for me. I call this a coward-ship, egoistic and fearful management, not a leadership! Leaders lead their teams to the distances and to the places they cannot imagine to go by themselves…Such as the journey led Moses centuries ago. It is so unfortunate that these kinds of “managers” (I do not wish to call them leaders as you can imagine), now thinning the HR departments almost to non-existence with the cost-cutting ideas so that no one can even provide feedback to their reckless, heartless, exhausting management…So that they can continue to dictate their desires and create more losses and find someone to blame on other than themselves…

This perspective I have presented is the dark night of the soul… The light part of this is that there is a beautiful outcome on these types of initiatives, often not realized. I have seen it year after year…That outcome, the missed opportunity leads the companies and the teams to beautiful, creative inventions… So after many years of experiencing this, I came up with a new label to call these “achieving an outcome other than expected”, not a “failure”. Because, the failure means that we were not able to do what we wanted to do. However in the spiritual altitude, we served a purpose, a divine purpose. It is what needs to be uncovered, realized and celebrated. Of course this becomes a taboo in the corporate environment. In the 20th century-mindset says that if you allow this to happen nothing will go as planned…To me that is not true. Do what needs to be done to get to the outcome, however in the end, if you achieve another result, see what the blessing in it, rather than dancing with guilt, shame and penalties…

I recently observed a similar experience through a non-profit organization. There was something in plans and they did not work out. I felt the sadness in the president’s email that was explaining the outcome. She did not act like the corporate executives I explained above. She was demonstrating a great “leadership” in her act. But I can feel the “dance with shame” on not bringing the activity to the “success” as the team planned on. However, my spiritual eyes saw a different thing…What I saw in the whole event as it took place was a significant and wonderful team collaboration, constitution and outreach. The team did not only came together and danced beautifully, but also engaged with the community and created huge amount of awareness about the non-profit organization, their mission, and strengthened the relationships with the community…After all, if the project succeeded, that would have been the ultimate outcome anyway. With the turn of events, the team achieved this outcome without spending money, further time and effort…That was magical, but it seemed like I was the only one who is seeing itJ

So today, I decided to speak to you all about this subject to create awareness. At the times you achieve an outcome other than you have expected, you have a choice to make….You can chose to dance with the feelings of shame, less-ness, not-good-enough-ness, or whatever else you wish to feel to penalize yourself and others involved, or you can make a different choice. You can chose to elevate to the altitude of spirit, the divine purpose and look at what has been created through you, through the efforts. Understand that result; see what truly happened and what needs to be done with that… I am not talking about feeling sad and trying to convince yourself that divine did not want you to succeed, rather feeling truly good about the spiritual outcome you have created…

Here comes the prayer…May you are able to elevate to the spiritual altitudes to understand what is truly taking place at times of reaching an outcome other than planned….May you continue to be the light and share the light with everyone involved. May you continue to invent, create and spread the love as these events take place…

Namaste,

Tijen

 

Mantra, Dhanvantari and healing

My introduction to the mantras has been long…Pretty much any yoga teacher will use one or the other in their classes in the US. I remember conversation years ago with a colleague who was married to an Indian lady. He said to me that he always explains the meaning of the mantras in his classes so that the people who do not resonate with the chant can choose not to use them. He was a very wise man and an old soul, his wisdom stuck with me all these years…I don’t believe that the many of the yoga instructors in the US understand what the mantras are or what they create…Neither the most people in the East…As many things, once a thing become a ritual, not an embodiment of a wisdom truly, it loses its meaning, rather becomes act that is driven by a subconscious autopilot.

My trip to India enabled me to embody the knowledge related to mantras that I learned through my mind…-I often speak about the difference between learning through the mind, learning trough the heart, and the embodiment of the knowledge. I will briefly explain them here. Learning through the mind will help you understand the concept along with the judgments you may have around it trough your perspective lenses and upbringing. Learning through the heart, we are all getting into in the new Aquarian era, allows you to understand the concept in its entirety through the feelings, hence no judgment in it. And the embodiment of the knowledge comes, once you carry the wisdom in your whole being, in your cells, it becomes a part of you, not something sits in your knowledge bank….- Shortly after my return from India trip a dear friend of mine gave me a booklet of Mantras compiled by a Hindu Priest. That was a very helpful and complete reference…

Mantras are the Sanskrit sounds that speak to the energy centers-chakras- in our body and tune them like musical instruments…So chanting them allow you to unblock, and enhance the energetic sounds you create through your musical and energetic instrument, that is your body…I also find them very helpful for mind training due to their repetitive nature. When you get into downward spiral with the thoughts that create anxiety, nervousness, insecurity, anger, whatever it is, repetitive chanting of mantras interrupt that downward flow and get your subconscious mind’s attention to the sound….

One of the mantras that I newly discovered in the booklet that my friend gave me was the Dhanvantari mantra. In the Hindu tradition, Dhanvantari is explained as Celestial Physician and it is chanted to invoke healing in the body…The mantra is “Ohm Shree Dhanvantre Namaha”. The translation is “I salute the Celestial Physician”…Of course the translation becomes meaningless as you think of it as just a musical instrument to tune the chakras in the body, like I explained above…

I have been also calling upon Archangel Raphael for many years to invoke healing for myself and the others in need when prayers asked of me…I am not sure of these both are the same concept or different but I enjoy using it both. There are also many out there calls Jesus for the healing. Use whatever you will feel comfortable…

Today, I decided to share this with you. As I am in the midst of many changes, very fast-moving cycle with lots of unknown. It is creating somewhat of an anxiety, ungroundedness, discomfort in me. Every time my mind presents me with a thought can create the downward spiral I mentioned above, I am starting to chant, silently even among many people, to present the thought or the situation for healing. I do not need to take action plans in my head, nor does respond to a comment make me feel uncomfortable. I just chant it for its healing. Give it to a higher power than you to handle it… Try it for a while to see how it works for you…I am not asking you to give up all your rights to act, sit and wait, rather use this for the things are clearly out of your control, present it for its healing and watch what happens…

May the healing of the cosmos find its way to you and to your loved ones today…May it embrace and hug you in the way that create a loving comfort for you that you have never experienced before….

References: Sacred Words of Power by Thomas Ashlay-Farrand

Namaste,

Tijen

Feeling the gratitude

We are staying at a friend’s beautiful and stunning house in Spain. They recently purchased it and they graciously offered us to stay while they were not here and while house is not rented…I am a very giving person. In fact, my giving has been quite unbalanced for years…That is what I learned from both of my parents, constantly give and feel uneasy about receiving anything…Although I have been healing myself on this for a long time now, and coached others on self-worth and self-value; came to realize that I have not written about it…As I am sitting in the pool of gratitude waters, I wanted to share this with all of you today…

At this very moment, check in to see how OK are you in receiving. What feelings are arising when someone gives you something? I know that most Eastern cultures, it is thought to plan how you can replicate, even before you enjoy the moment in receiving it…I have also seen this in some Western cultures…So I am writing to create awareness in your receiving process…What happens when you receive something, little, or big, do you take a moment to enjoy the energy of receiving, stay still, connect to the giver with the energy of their desire to give; or do you feel uneasy, think what you need to do, say or whatever to escape the moment of receiving…

This is a major training of the heart and the soul…We are designed to give and receive. If you have a tendency to give and not receive easily, you will also find yourself often frustrated, feeling used, not cared for, etc. sounds familiar? It is you that needs to breakthrough that uneven energy flow. Sometimes, it is OK to receive and not plan on how to replicate…Time will come…I admit here, that I still have not mastered this myself. But I am sharing as I continue to learn…

One magnificent way to feel the ease and to learn to receive is gratitude…This is what I am sharing with you today…Inability to receive with ease often stems from the challenges around self-worth… If you have tendencies to feel anxious, feel rush, and wanting to escape the moment in receiving, -and yes, the those of you who always find something to criticize in the gift given to you, are included in this, as it is the very same thing, “I can never get what I want, because I am not worthy or good enough to get what I want” is the movie behind the scenes-, take a stop sign as these feelings arise…Look at the being who wants to acknowledge your value…Look at them in the eye, see the love. See if you are capable of taking that much love about you into your loving heart…See if you can trust that you are good enough, worthy enough to receive that love…And connect to the feeling of gratitude for the person who loves you that much to acknowledge your be-ing in their life…What a gift that is…Use the energy of gratitude as the ladder towards acknowledging you and healing your “receiving”…After all, we are here to learn to “love” and “to love” is a choice you can make in any time…

As I walk around this beautiful house, lush garden, listening to the birds, I am sending my gratitude to our friends who are loving us this much to give us their precious place to stay…Every corner in the house, and the gardens I blessed with my prayers for them…This is what I am replicating their love with; my gratitude…And knowing in my heart, that no-thing else is needed at this very moment, other than my prayers of gratitude…

Here is my prayer for you this very loving moment…May you find gratitude towards you to allow yourself to inhale the love that is being offered to you…May you find gratitude in every giving to acknowledge the love’s presence…Yes, it is in giving we receive, but it is also receiving that we give….

Namaste,

Tijen

Sun and the Moon

During my trip to Peru last year I have seen lots of depictions of Sun and Moon together. Incas as the Spanish named them or the by their real names, the Quechua people understood the importance of both the Sun, the movement and creation; and the Moon, the reflection, retraction and restoration….I also observed the very same thing in the Palaces of Maharajas of India…In the Western world, and may be the new Eastern and South American Cultures even, you don’t see these two major energies depicted together. In fact, it is often the movement and creation we value, not as much as the restoration, retraction and reflection. To the point, when people take vacation in the Western world, they feel a need to explain themselves as if it is something shameful, or they are not worthy enough to take a break…Western and even the new Eastern mindset values busyness much more than reflection, and restoration….

Another thing to note is that when we meet with service providers in the West, they often ask about the factual information such as how many, how much and so on…Not about what is the feeling we are looking to create…We don’t value the feelings as much. Sometimes, we even label them as negative, etc. with judgment. However they are a big part of us and we need to understand what feelings we are after when we are getting a haircut, buying a house, going to a restaurant, and so on…Yes the price of the food is important, so as the number of rooms of the house, but how you want to feel while eating and when you are in your house is as important…

Something very interesting happened to me today…We met with an Italian Realtor in Spain…He was from Venice, the land of the waters and romance…When he was interviewing us for what we are looking to have in the house we wish to buy, he asked about our feelings…It just hit me right then and there…A big Aha moment…What is the feeling we wish to have…

Before him, we met with a lovely lady from Sweden…A true Business Barbie…She was very good at what she was doing and understanding of our needs…But she never asked us what we wish to feel…Then another big aha moment came while talking to Alberto from Venice…While my husband and I were explaining our needs, we were as usual disagreeing in quite a few things…This also happened during our talk with Jennifer, the Swedish Business Barbie…She asked us then, who wins? I said, no one, we either collaborate or give up the idea completely…But Alberto did not ask about who wins…He looked at me and said, I understand it…It is my job to bring the Sun and the Moon together!!! I was once again in awe and having another aha moment speaking with Alberto…At that moment I completely understood him. He was not moving with the energy of the sun, rather the moon…He wanted to bring the Sun and the Moon together, not having one win over the other… Just then, I knew that I was talking to the right person, regardless of the outcome…He was teaching me and my husband another way of living…Living by the feelings, living by our values, being Sun or Moon; feeling OK by being what we are and knowing that a right person, at right moment can bring all that together in harmony…

So today, this is my offering to you. Next time when you are engaged in any conversation to understand someone’s needs, ask them about their feelings as much as you ask them about the facts…Understand what forces you need to bring together for them during your help for them, not what is more important than the other or who wins…

Here is my prayer for today…May you always and all ways allow Sun and the Moon to come together in harmony for you and for everyone around you…May you have the wisdom to understand and honor your feelings with no judgment, as well as feelings of others around you…

Namaste,

Tijen

Who is in charge?

I spent big part of my life trying to make things happen…Mostly I felt discontent with “what was” and spend my energy and life source trying to change that to an image or a different version of the reality that I wanted to create…Recently, I am in the practice of being more receptive, flowing and engaging curiosity about what is, rather than fighting to change it…It does not only feel very different, but also good…

You need to have amazing drive in order to create constant change. For many years, I used discontentment as my driving source (see more in Joy as a Driving Source blog)…Years later, I realized that this is an exhausting flow and a battle that is not possible to win…I might be a great and a skillful creator in the standards of this earth, but my skills no where near divine creation. So I cannot win the battle of changing the reality of what is happening already!!!

Those of you who are strong willed, might be feeling as you read this that if this is the case, is she suggesting to give up all to try and to create? Not at all…I am suggesting to have a peaceful relationship with the reality of that is present rather than constantly fighting to change it…

This requires very disciplined approach…One will need a strong desire to change one’s self. This is not an easy task as it feel like you are giving all up and will have no drive no more…It is that trapeze moment I spoke about on Trapeze blog. You let go of the hand that is gripping the resistance ladder in order to harmoniously and skillfully catch what universe is creating…This requires much more discipline, agility, acceptance and flexibility instead of rigidity…

At this stage in my life I will trade rigidity with all that above I listed…If you are suffering from any kind of neck, back, hip, knee, or jaw pain you might also have the tendencies to control and not accepting the what is presenting itself in your reality…Your bones are your main vehicle to move with the flow of life. When you have doubts or any kind of discomfort in what is happening, you put a strong break on your moving parts and that creates lots of stress in the joints as the energy of the universe would try to come through you while you are disagreeing with it and trying to block the movement…You tell me, who do you think is going to win???

So then, how one can learn to be in peace with the universal flows, how one can even understand them? One way that might be helpful is to stop at any point you feel you are getting exhausted or putting too much force in anything…Take a time of “blissful peace” to stop what you are doing and check in with the universal flows…See what they are trying to create versus you…In what way you are feeling unease with the what is being created through you? What fears are present for you in this creation? How is what you want to create is similar to what is happening? If you allow the universal flow, what will you learn, how will you grow? If you continue on your own way, what will that crate for you? Just going through these questions you will get much more intimate with the moment…Of course other stillness practices such as mediation and yoga, as well as movement practices such as Tai Chi, Chi Gong, and Dance are helpful and also can teach your body directly to sense the universal energies and move with them harmoniously….

So today, my prayer for you is peace, harmony and graceful movement with the universal flows…May you be courages, curious and loving towards universal creation. May you allow yourself to be in tuned with the music and energies of the divine flow…

Namaste,

Tijen

Co-in-inter dependent no more…

Dependency is an interesting subject. I observe it during my coaching sessions, and in my life quite often…Interestingly enough, very independent persons can be very co-dependent. You will need to have dependency lenses to see it…I come from a culture that discourages clear boundaries. My observations showed me that many Eastern and Middle Eastern cultures are this way. The boundaries between the self and others, especially family and immediate community is almost non-present. That makes it very difficult for a child to learn where the self starts and ends. In fact it is almost discouraged or seen as a taboo in some cultures to even consider identifying clear boundaries. I remember my talks with Indian women who were having communal living…(See my Stories of Women blog)… Although some parts of the European culture such as Dutch and Scandinavian seem to be having lesser issue with this, people I interviewed said that it is not always the case….

When I was a little girl, I knew in my intuitive heart that I needed to be independent. I remember my thoughts and strategies right before going to sleep on how to do that. And I spent big chunk of my life learning to be independent. I moved from my parent’s house to capital city in Turkey as a single woman after university and started to live by myself. Then I took off and moved to US again by myself started life from scratch again. I worked in different countries, travelled around the world, took up many challenges to learn to be independent. However, I realized that the journey to independency does not necessarily teach you to set up clear boundaries and does not release you from co-dependent relationship patterns. I also realized after this many years of experiences of my own and observing my clients that the healthy relationships with the self and others really depends on one’s ability to set clear boundaries not necessarily their ability to make it their own…Independence seem to help the individual towards developing self-confidence and taking care of self, not necessarily being able to say no and define what is OK and what is not OK for them in the relationships…

So then, how an adult can learn to set healthy and clear boundaries when they did not learn as a child? Especially when they live in culture with a boundary-setting disability? It seems like a big and unbearable undertaking especially when we are talking cultures like Indian, Middle Eastern, Mediterranean, Hispanic and Jewish…If you ever tried to do this, you will know that when you start setting boundaries, the people who you are in co-dependent relationships with get really disturbed. They don’t let go with ease and without a fight, or many fightsJ They will pull your emotional puppet strings and constantly test you, until they know that the strings are not attached to a puppet anymore. They can use the "rescuer" in you so very well…The key thing is for you to know if you are in a co-dependent relationship is that:

  • Everyone is creative, resourceful and whole. They have the resources to figure things out.
  • When you remove yourself out of the rescuing operation and the formula, new formulas will be generated and someone else will step into the place.
  • It is as much as for you by feeling good with the sense of rescuing someone as the other person needing rescuing…
  • By constantly rescuing the other person you are not really helping rather feeding into the dysfunction no matter how bad the situation is. Or as simple as someone is constantly nagging and complaining about things and you are feeding into the energy by listening and encouraging the behavior…

You can see that the co-dependency can appear in many forms. And will stay alive by your confusion about the dysfunction and love in its true form.

When it comes to interdependency I would recommend to use word collaboration rather than inter or intradependency. For me the word "dependent" is adding dysfunctionality by its definition into any relationships and enabling some sort of a "victim" energy within….Yes, in society we do need to collaborate with others in order to get things completed. That does not create dependency though. It creates us needing each other not necessarily depending on one another. Regardless of other person’s or party’s response we can always find a way to accomplish what we need to accomplish, it just will require creative thinking…

So today I will encourage you to scan your relationships to identify the "dependency" virus. It hides deep in the registry spaceJ Start establishing healthy boundaries even it is as simple as not answering the question when someone is asking you about your salary or when will you have children…Learn to bring your truth into the relationships in order to get to the real intimacy, not "I cannot say no" attitude that turns you into some form of Martyr or Rescuer or both at the same time.

Here comes the prayer: May you reach to the awareness levels that show you the times you are in co-dependent relationships. May you find courage to release the dysfunctional energies towards freedom, truth, genuine, healthy and intimate relationships for the benefit of all involved…

Namaste,

Picture credits: http://www.janosh.com

Tijen

I wanna draw a cat for you…

There was a guy in one of the Shark Tank TV show episodes last year, and this was his slogan and the service he wanted to sell. He wanted to draw a cat for you for whatever subject that you were interested in…He also had a sticking tune that he was singing this phrase…

Last night I was invited to a birthday party for my dear friend’s husband…They follow Hindu tradition. She said I am going to have the prayers at 5:30 and people will come around 7:00 pm. You can come early if you would like…I did. I wanted to be part of the blessings and the prayers… As the husband was sitting with the priestess and going through the ceremony, my friend was tending to the incoming calls, managing the person who was helping her in the kitchen, talking to me and taking part of the ceremony so beautifully and gracefully like a skilful ballerina on the stage… They have been together many years. I have no doubt that they had some rough times in their togetherness like any other relationship. I am not sure if that made the togetherness more beautiful or they already were like that to begin with…

There were parts of the ceremony she would take flower pedals and give it to her husband or place them on the altar for him…This to me was so symbolic, so loving, so compassionate and so blessed…I thought to myself when was the last time I placed flower pedals on someone’s alter? Unless you follow Hindu tradition or some other one’s that do that, I don’t think that anyone of us doing this such beautiful and symbolic act….And the fact that the ones who are doing it, not sure if they are fully present and understanding the impact, and love behind it… I saw many people doing their prayers as a mindless ritual both in the Eastern and Western parts of the world over the years…

So today, I wanted to reflect on this by using the catchy phrase above…"I wanna place flower pedals on your altar…" Notice the energy behind the phrase…So loving, so caring, so compassionate…Use it when you are in the energy of love, and use it even more when you are in the lack of love…As this will bring the energy into the space…When you are dried out, fried outJ, exhausted, frustrated, tired, ready to give up, physically or virtually, place flower pedals on the person’s altar who you are experiencing the challenging exchange with. No need to make this a public act…Do it in your mind…Create an altar for them, just go visit, place flower pedals and do a little prayer for them from the heart…Nothing else is needed…

I am writing this on a Spring Sunday. You will receive it whenever you need to receive the message…Make this day a "Pedal on an Altar" dayJ See what happens to your relationshipsJ

May you connect to the source of love always and all ways present inside of you. May you feel the courage to open that source to everyone around you and let them bathe in it…May your flower pedals be present in every being’s altar that you come across in your lifetime…

I dedicate this blog to my beautiful loving friend Chhaya and her contagious and abundant love for everyone around her…

Namaste,

Tijen