We all talk about life lessons yet we have difficult time to love the people that presenting us with the lessons. We rather like the ones they provide us with an easy ride. After all who wants to have a challenging life…?

From the spiritual development and transformation perspective, it is often those challenging people help us to grow. I am sensing that at this stage of our development, we are not so inclined to grow through love and joy. We often prefer to grow through suffering and pain to understand and appreciate the things in our lives. Hence we employ propensities so that the challenging people can trigger them. (See my blog about Buttoned up).

What needs to be paid attention to is not the trigger-er, rather what is being triggered. You can call that karma, lessons for the life, opportunities for healing, annoyances or whatever your beautiful heart desiresJ Those individuals who are helping you to see the propensities are your Santa’s little helpers. They are your guides showing you where your healing opportunities reside. It is often that we prefer to stay in the weeds of life rather than sit down, reflect and understand ourselves we need those people that took a noble role in our journey to show us what we need to learn.

As I explain this, I also know that it is not easy to go through such experiences. I have developed so much compassion for everyone who is suffering, including myself. It is very hard to get out of the story and get to the learning that is involved. I often suggest that in times like this, elevating one’s self to a higher altitude so that one can clearly see the lesson not what is happening in the moment. The experience itself can be very difficult to go through such as your ex-wife constantly demanding money from you despite the alimony, and all other things she has taken; and threating to turn your daughter against you if you don’t comply with her demands. Or your daughter develops an eating disorder despite the nurturing and empowering family environment. Or your husband makes choices that impacts the profitability of your company and create financial crisis. These are some real life examples that everyone who reads this can understand and relate how challenging it will be to experience it.

Now I show you how the elevated view may look like. What I will be sharing is some possible symbolic interpretations of the lessons that only the beings in it can truly understand and assess. In the first scenario, what I will see is that the person is developing towards setting healthy boundaries and learning to let go of trying to control other people’s emotions. People can be angry, loving or whatever they chose to and we have no control over them. Once they understand your weakness and propensities, then they will pull your strings until you grow out of that tendency…In the second scenario one may look into their tendencies in feeling overly responsible about the individual’s behavior or choices and relating other people’s outcomes with their own self-worth…In the third example one may entertain that the individual is developing trust within her own power to stand up for herself and what her believe. Also one may think that there is a development of healthy boundary here as well.

These are some scenarios and some possible interpretations that show what is taking place at the soul’s development journey rather than earth plane. So how does one develop such a sight to understand their propensities? One power-full way to do that is skillful questioning and self-reflection. In the coaching, we often avoid asking “why” questions. They habitually put people on the defensive mood, even if the person who is asking the “why” question is you. I suggest using “what” and “how” questions.

I also suggest that any time one is struggling with a lesson, first thing is to take care of them. It is less likely that you can respond to the situation from the place of power when you are suffering. Find a way to center yourself with whatever method works for you, such as walk in the nature, exercise, meditate, dance, listen to music, cook, etc.

There are other ways may also be helpful if they speak to you such as prayers, aromatherapy, crystals, etc.

May you find ways to center yourself when propensities present. May you find ways to detach yourself from the drama so that you can find harmonious and just way to respond to the circumstance for everyone involved. May you find ways to learn grow through joy and love and release propensities for growing through suffering.



Published by Tijen Genco

TTijen specializes in executive coaching, cultural and behavioral transformation along with service excellence. Tijen’s engagements as management consultant resulted in multi-million dollars in productivity benefits for fortune 100 companies over the years. Tijen draws the strengths from her skill sets to coach leaders towards excellence in strategic and inclusive global leadership across geographical and organizational cultures. Her coaching inspires clients to elevate their consciousness, potentialize their strengths, develop impactful, harmonious, sustainable, and inclusive strategies globally. Tijen served at the board of International Coaching Federation (ICF) Philadelphia Chapter as the VP of Education and Professional Development. Tijen is an approved continuing education provider both for ICF and NBHWC (National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching). She provides Mentor Coaching and lectures in the academic environment. Tijen developed a unique methodology of incorporating mindfulness and neuroscience into behavioral change. She utilizes this methodology for cultural transformation and behavioral change coaching in the healthcare industry by enabling desired behaviors towards better health. Tijen participates in social responsibility efforts such as supporting cancer patients towards betterment of their health. In 2013, Tijen served 3 months in India towards improving the quality of Maternal Health services in the rural areas, coaching across complex sponsoring organizations and social workers.

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