Round hole, square peg…

Giving children certain shaped objects and having them put into the appropriate space is a psychometric measurement tool to understand their mental and emotional development. Our current understanding of logic and culture suggests that you need to take the object and finds its exact match, not try to find something of a different shape and trying to make it fit to the space that is different than its shape. Therefore we consider children or adults who pick the round peg and fit it into the round whole are in their expected developmental stage.

That is all good. When we are tested in a test environment, most of us know how to do this. On the other hand, when in life, while the story is playing and emotions, cultural dogmas, and ego are the influencer of the choices, we forget what we need to do and keep trying to fit the square peg into the round hole and spend most of our life stressed, disappointed, angry and sad. What I am speaking about is our expectancy of people and according to our believe system how they need to behave and respond…How many of you are disappointed by your spouse’s response to your expectancy, whether it is remembering your birthday or taking the trash out; how many of you are saddened by your sibling’s behavior during a holiday; how many of you have strong wishes about how your parents need to behave or what your neighbor needs to do…These are all the same matching game and divine psychometric measurement of where you are in your spiritual development. No matter how much or how strongly you feel about fitting the square peg into an inappropriate place it won’t work. You will get very frustrated in the process and I think that also both the hole and the peg will be stressed out by your forceful behavior. Your choice as an emotionally, logically and spiritually developed adult is to find the harmonious matches.

Bringing things into the harmonious matching and flow is not an easy process, especially if you are living in close, opinionated cultural structures with a strong personality. First of all you will take everything personally. Your interpretation of square peg not fitting into the round whole would be “he/she doesn’t love me enough, I am not worthy, I am not good enough, etc.”…, and these beliefs will continue to be reinforced by the society so that you won’t be able to make the harmonious choice to free yourself and others from this stressful dynamic. Yes, of course people can change and make different choices but that has nothing to do how much they love you or your worth. It is about their spiritual development, journey and flow.

In coaching, we always and all ways bring coachee’s attention to self not the others. You are the one with the peg in your hand. You picked the peg, what are you going to do with it??? There is of course some intervention from the divine that is called faith. But how you respond to your life story with your will determines your destiny…If you want to exercise your spiritual muscles, this is one of the ultimate exercises as it involves all the emotions, your cultural heritage and your “nerves!”🙂

Today, I would like to bring awareness of this behavior’s presence and endless struggle in your lives. In which context you have this dance?; Who do you engage and constantly trying to fit to something else other than they are? Who do you share these thoughts and try to make the person who doesn’t fit wrong…

The big question is how one gets out of this. I recently developed a tool that I am using as I sense my own matching process. When I see my tendencies of incorrect matching, I am severing the strong need, the energy that is flowing towards that match. Then there is a space between me, the object and the energy. I sit on that space and breathe for the higher good and celebrate freedom of the object as well as my freedom from that stressful matching. Use what works for you.

May you find loving grace for you and others to let them free of your fitting process…

Namaste,

Tijen

2 thoughts on “Round hole, square peg…

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