Responsibility, self-trust, leadership, and back-seat driver

She said I don’t know why but I am resistant to take the ownership. I remember doing that since I was a little girl. And then she asked why that is? She was wondering if that has anything to do with the lack of self-confidence…

I said seems easier to be the back-seat driver. However that comes with lots of frustrations for the one who is trying to direct the direction of the car from the back seat as well as the one who asked to sit at the driver’s seat with no authority… No one can win at this situation. It is OK to suggest a direction every once in a while, and state in the beginning where you wish to go at what speed. However if you sit in the back and offer all your power to the one who you ask to take the lead on, then you need to submit to the direction, the speed and the destination that person will take you to…

I call this a toggle-war syndrome. It almost in a way that the back-seat drivers have no ability to trust that they can get what they want. They also don’t believe that they are capable of giving it to themselves. Therefore they ask someone to provide it for them yet due to lack of trust and wanting to control the situation they suffocate themselves, and the ones who are supposed to provide for them whatever it is they want to get. On the other hand, the fact of the matter is, if the back-seat driver takes a moment and ask themselves would there be any moment in time that I will be pleased in the way I have been lead to, I am guessing the answer would be “no”. Because it really doesn’t matter who is driving them, to where to, in what way, they would be unhappy as the real core issue is not about the destination is about not taking ownership of their life.

So then how one can get off the back-seat and release being the back-seat driver? This requires a lot of courage in some cases, especially when the person has been in this dynamic for most of their life and carrying lessons around managing their power. They often tend to hand their power to someone else to manage, and then sit in frustration and anger. One power-full way to get out of this exhausting and unhealthy dynamic is self-love. When one believes that they are worthy of getting what they want or need, then trust starts to build. You can test this in your system to understand your own patterns. Since I am a yogini and I have tremendous respect to body’s own intelligence, I will teach you a method to check in through your own body. Make an affirmation such as “I believe that I can get what I want”, or “I believe that I am worth of receiving what I want”. Then notice your body’s response. It will share with you if it believes to what you are saying or not. I often get “eeeyyk” kind of an automatic “jerk” reaction when I use an affirmation that doesn’t agree with my existing belief system. Notice where you hold the tension, where are the unbreathable places in your body. Then use affirmations that are softer until you find one that your system finds OK such as “I am willing to believe that I can get what I want” or even softer “I am willing to consider to believe that I can get what I want”…Use this system daily along the side of behavioral change until you come to a place of no resistance and complete trust.

I would also like to share that from my experience with myself and with my clients that the trust issues can take a long time to heal. So you need to be carrying high levels of integrity towards yourself and keep your promises, speak your truth and not hand your power away for this to heal during this time of recovery. This pattern comes from a misuse of power across the time and space…Whether in this life or, if you believe in reincarnation, from another life. In the end, it really doesn’t matter where it has started, you can heal and integrate your soul across time and space. I will also suggest that during this recovery period, you also start taking ownership in your own life, even if it means as simple as to pick the restaurant when you are going out. You can slowly build on your power and get used to managing it appropriately.

Here comes the prayer: May you find courage to look at your own grace; notice, acknowledge and accept how power-full, wonder-full, an amazing you are. May you find the compassion within to free yourself and the people who are sitting at your driver seat from the endless, frustrating toggle-war. May you generate self-love that enables you to take your power from the people you handed to manage it for you.

Namaste,

Tijen

 

1 thought on “Responsibility, self-trust, leadership, and back-seat driver

  1. I know that you have written about back seat driving before. It is a very powerful image. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.

    Like

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